Yeah, sorry about that. I put myself on a social media hiatus.
Mentally I needed it.
I needed to walk away from the emotional side of infertility and its toll on me. I needed me time, infertility free me time. It wasn’t easy and I still don’t have answers or direction. I also limited my other social media. I’ve tried to dial back my social media presence as a whole. I’ve been frustrated, hurt, annoyed and overall done with the way people think they can act because they are online when they say it.
I keep online enough to fulfill my Social Media Adviser gig and to update my social media in order to not draw attention and worry from my family. I keep up an appearance online and that’s about it.
And honestly? I haven’t felt like part of the blogging circle for awhile. I’m at a stand still. I’ve been in this game for 7 years. There is nothing happening right now and for the foreseeable future. I’m war weary and most of the people who started his battle with me have moved on, either giving up and moving on or getting what we all want, a baby in our arms. Those new to the circle, I have trouble relating to. Those who have resolved, I don’t find myself caring about seeing their happy endings. I’m in no mans land with no clear direction to follow and I’m just trying to convince myself that I’m ok with all of it.
So I walked away. I found something that gives me passion. I work with Girl Guides. I give it my all. It’s a distraction in every sense of the word but it’s also something that brings me great joy in an otherwise joyless life. I don’t say that in a dramatic way, just an observation. We are struggling right now. We fight a lot. We’ve talked about whether this marriage is worth it or if we should just call it quits. We decided that we are still very much in love and that this is simply a rough patch. I’m depressed. Chris has more good days than bad just to be replaced with me having less good days. Our car broke down and its been written off with no free funds to be able to get a new one. All minor things that are slowly sucking away all of the Hope I have.
So, I simply decided to disappear. I needed to walk away. I don’t know if this is a random post. I don’t know if I’ll write again next week or six months from now. I’m not making any promises either way. I feel like I have to find myself and my purpose again and I don’t know how long it will take. For now, I leave you this post and the choice of whether you still want to stick around or not.